Flying or Falling what is it going to be?

Hello dear Reader,

I hope you are fine and happy.

On the way through a transition phase I thought I share what is going on.

I finally decided to go for a drastic move, I don’t like where my career is heading since a few years and for a good while I felt kind of helpless and powerless….disconnected. It’s like being at a lose end.

While I tried to assess the situation and where I would be able to gain control again, my professional life was an obvious choice. I have not much control when I’ll meet whom and how we will feel about each other; neither do I believe that a guy or a relationship would rescue me or fulfil me.

Every girl who sees her career in a happy relationship and possible motherhood is absolutely welcome to do so, but that is not me. And fairly I am sick of hearing that this would “fix” me. Neither need to be fixed nor would that do the trick.

I am an intelligent ambitious women who studied five years and has a double qualification why should I settle for something I don’t like. Would I be more supported in my choice if I were a guy? Frankly, I think that is very likely.

Well anyway I am not discussing or justifying my choices to others, they either understand me or not.

So after I decided that I need to gain some control/power over the course my life will take again. At least we are all mortal beings and even so I absolutely don’t want to be reminded of age (my birthday was just yesterday…) I figured that I won’t have forever to build the life I want to have.

I kind of knew since a few years, but my constant companion fear kept me safe on the floor securely chained to a big block that is keeping me in place. It whispered in my ear that I need the money and that I will be safe there. It made me believe that this just is what working life is to be. It convinced me that I would be able to balance this with a good lived private life. But in fairness you spent hours more at work that you have time to spent for hobbies or with friends. You won’t connect really with most people you work with if you don’t love what you are doing so that there is no real bond being forged.

I am stubborn….so I don’t like what to do, not even from my own fear šŸ˜€ so after a few years where I tried changing companies but still worked in corporate environment the penny has finally dropped. It is not about the company, it is the setting and the lack of meaning that doing this job has for me personally. I was lost for years, and I wouldn’t say I have a proper plan yet, but my heart feels that I need something more in my life.

Call me naive I don’t mind, but I want to do a job where I can believe I make a difference. I want to create something that I can look at and say to myself that is well done. I want to be in touch with real people who have other interests than increasing the profit. I want to help others to dream big! I want to leave a footprint.

So I decided to listen to the calling and risk a leap of faith.

I handed in my notice and will basically end my current role in September without any plan or new job.

So time will show if I can take off like Peter Pan and fly or if I will drop from the roof.

I am aware that this could basically lead to a rock bottom situation but I am not willing to settle for some job that will just give me the satisfaction of a pay-check.

Naturally I am no fool and know that I need to fund myself somehow šŸ™‚ and I am willing to compromise somewhat but I have now a goal and I feel determination burning in my soul and that is something that I missed for a long time by now.

Somehow the storm in my got more quiet and only by making this decision and supporting what I want I feel more in control and more connected to my life choices again.

So the next year will bring some movement either upwards or downwards but something will move anyway šŸ™‚

Am I scared? ….I would lie if I say no.

Am I prepared for disaster? ….well somehow, but I had that strong feeling something needs to give way now, I am prepared to bring some sacrifices to make this work.

I hope from the bottom of my heart that I will leap into full flight, so please wish me luck and strength.

“think a happy thought”

 

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